Your Teen - Growing Up is Hard Work
Navigating Puberty: Physical Changes
Puberty is the time in your child’s life when his or her body begins to mature physically. Sexually, this means boys develop the ability to produce sperm and girls are able to become pregnant. Puberty begins at different ages – it can start as early as age 9, or as late as age 16. Various factors influence its onset, including genetics, ethnicity and body weight.
Puberty can be a stressful time in your child’s life, so it’s important that you reinforce the fact that it is a normal part of growing up. Talk with kids about the changes they see in their bodies and how they feel about them. It may have been a while since you went through puberty, but you surely recall some of your own feelings as you were growing up. The changes may have been bewildering, exciting, scary; they may have made you feel self-conscious. Remembering your own experiences can be great jumping-off points for conversations with your daughter or son.
Take a look at the chart below that lists the many physical changes that take place during puberty.
| Both Boys & Girls | Boys Only | Girls Only |
|---|---|---|
| Grow taller | Develop more muscle | Develop breasts |
| Breasts may be tender and sore | Able to produce semen (fluid that contains sperm) | Skin around nipples gets darker in color |
| Develop oily skin and scalp | Shoulders broaden | Hips broaden |
| Develop sweat glands | Penis and testicles grow | Ovaries release an egg into fallopian tube about once a month |
| Pubic hair grows in genital area | More body hair grows | Menstruation begins (shedding of blood-filled lining in the uterus) |
| Underarm hair grows | Facial hair grows | |
| Feet grow | Voice changes |
The Teenage Brain
Your teen’s brain is considered a “work in progress,” and a 2005 study confirms it. Research shows that many areas of the brain are still developing in adolescence, and this is one reason some teens have difficulty with behavior and learning. As with the other changes related to puberty, rates of brain development vary greatly between individuals.
During this critical brain development time, teens can have difficulty making all types of decisions, assessing risks, making long-range plans, controlling impulses, getting organized, and determining appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. That’s one reason, as a parent or guardian, it’s especially important for you to provide structure and guidance in their lives, and to model appropriate adult behaviors – so they can learn from people they trust.
(The study: Weinberger, D.R., Elvevag, B., Giedd, J.N. The adolescent brain: a work in progress. National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 2005.)
The Rollercoaster: Emotional and Social Changes
As if the physical changes aren’t enough, adolescence brings lots of emotional and social changes, too. Your teen’s adult personality is forming, and he or she must adjust to friends, school, and everything else going on in their busy lives.
You’ll notice that your teen feels such a need to “fit in” that it seems almost desperate at times. Their whole focus shifts to relying more on their friendships than the tried-and-true family relationships. Most teens’ social lives become more active at this time – some talk on the phone, text and email endlessly with their pals. They’re increasingly concerned with, and self-conscious about, their appearance and want to look like the friends and famous people (singers, movie stars) they most admire.
This is all a normal part of becoming independent – they’re growing away from depending on parents and guardians and learning to have their own opinions and make their own choices. Sometimes, however, it can be awfully frustrating for the adults in their lives. Your son or daughter can seem downright selfish, completely self-absorbed at times. They will insist on having more privacy, and it’s not something you should take personally.
Life can certainly become more dramatic with a teenager in the house! It’s as if every emotion is set on “high” or, conversely, they give you the silent treatment and retreat to their room. You may notice an increased sensitivity to failures, mistakes, rejections and fears – real or imagined. Their mood swings can be proof of increasing irritability, stress, anxiety and defensiveness. Adolescent self-esteem seems to soar one day and plummet the next, depending on their perceptions of how they’re being treated by a friend or a teacher.
It’s also completely normal that your daughter or son has sexual feelings and sexual fantasies – which come with their own, built-in anxieties: Am I normal? Is it wrong to think this way? What does this mean? Will I get in trouble if I tell anyone about it? They need a safe adult who can be a sounding board and provide answers and reassurance that they are normal!
