So... Let's Talk!

Is it all coming back to you now? No wonder so many adults say there’s no way they’d want to repeat their teen years. But the best thing you can do for your child going through this confusing time of life is to talk with them openly about sex. If the very idea of it makes you feel faint or squeamish – just sit down and read on!

When it comes to sex, kids need to talk with someone they can trust. And kids who have conversations with their parents about sex are more likely to delay sexual activity, and less likely to engage in risky behaviors, according to a 2003 study.

Parents who don’t feel comfortable talking to their children about sex shouldn’t be discouraged. Many parents say that they just don’t feel like they have the knowledge-base necessary to have such a conversation. Luckily there are at lot of places in Idaho that offer classes to help you and your child talk about sex.

• St. Luke’s Health System (Southern and central Idaho)
• Planned Parenthood of the Great Northwest (Southern Idaho region)
• Planned Parenthood of the Inland Northwest (Northern and Central Idaho region)

The Role of Peer Pressure

One reason to ask your children about their friends and peers – and for you to also know them, and their parents – is that it may help explain some of the pressures, attitudes and expectations your child has about dating and sex. We’ve already mentioned that adolescence is a time when kids are hyper-aware of how they fit in at school and in social situations – and how they can be left out, too. Peer groups can be manipulative and downright cruel. How do you think your teenager will react to the peer pressure they encounter?

Discussing and even role-playing, acting out situations they might encounter, may make it easier for teens to stand up for themselves when confronted with uncomfortable situations. It can be awkward coaxing them to try role-playing, but it can also be fun. Here are some possibilities to start a discussion:

• What do you know about sex? How do you feel about sex? When do you think it is okay for a person to have sex?
• What do you know about birth control and condoms?
• What would you do if you were alone with your boyfriend (girlfriend) and you felt he (she) was really pressuring you to have sex?
• What if you were at a party and some of the other kids were trying to get you to drink alcohol?
• What kind of stuff goes on at parties or in groups that makes you uncomfortable? Do you feel like you have to go along with it sometimes, even if you don’t want to?
• Have you run into anything on the Internet that worries you? Do you know how you’d protect yourself from an online sexual predator? (SEE the ProtecTeens video, for more information about keeping kids safe when using the Internet.)
• If you had a friend who’s really “crossing the line,” in your opinion, doing something that you know isn’t safe or isn’t right, would you talk with them about it, or think it’s none of your business?
• What do you think are reasonable rules for using a cell phone – for text messaging? Conversations? How about taking and sending photos? Is there anything you think should be “off-limits?”
• If you were out with friends and something went really wrong, or you got scared, would you know whom to call?

Knowledge is power! Not all peer pressure is negative, but when it is, your child needs to have enough knowledge and self-assurance to make informed decisions. They need to know, for instance, that they can call you or another trusted person at any time. You might even decide together on a “code word” that your child could use in a phone conversation, to let you know that they want someone to come get them.

Many teens are exposed to alcohol and drug use, and both can be used when having sex. What you should stress about alcohol and drugs is that they interfere with a person’s ability to think, act and communicate clearly, even if they have the best intentions. Teach kids that it’s always the right choice to SAY NO.

The Idaho Department of Health and Welfare website contains information about substance use and abuse.