Learn what the characteristics are of healthy relationships.
Talking and Listening
Puberty and being a teen can mean thinking a lot about sex. These thoughts are completely normal. Everyone has feelings and fantasies and tons of questions.
You may wonder:
- Am I normal?
- Is it wrong to think this way?
- What does this mean? Will I get in trouble if I tell anyone about it?
You need safe adults in your life that you can go to with these thoughts and concerns. There are some things you shouldn’t have to figure out by yourself. But let’s be real – it’s hard to even imagine your parents having sex, let alone wanting to talk with you about it! So, what in the world do you say? How do you even bring it up? Luckily, there’s plenty of good advice to consider.
Some people will say anything...
Some People Will Say Anything...
There’s a long list of common lines that people use to get others to give sex a try – and they sure can sound convincing. Thinking about it and knowing some things to say ahead of time will help you look out for yourself and stick to your own plans. What would you say if someone tried one of these lines on you?
- “Everybody’s doing it…”
- “You’re the only one who’s NOT doing it!”
- “Show me how much you love me…”
- “But…I love you…”
- “Please, let me share this with you…”
- “I’ll stop whenever you say…”
- “If you loved me, you’d prove it.”
- “If we can’t have sex, that’s it – it’s over between us.”
- “If you don’t want to do this, I’ll find someone who will.”
- “Nothing will happen…I promise.”
- “Why are you making such a big deal of this? Sex is natural…”
- “It’s okay – I’ve got a condom.”
- “What are you waiting for? Don’t you love me?”
- “You’re still a virgin? What are you, a prude?”
- “I’ll love you forever.”
- “This will seal our relationship.”
- “There’s no way anyone will find out about this…it’s just between you and me.”
- “I’ve been tested and I’m clean.”
- “I’ve done it with my other partners.”
- “What’s wrong with you?”
- “Are you just not attracted to me?”
- “You can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex…” (NOTE: Whoa, that is totally FALSE – you can get pregnant ANY time you have sex.)
Learn what Sexual Violence is so that you can protect yourself, your partner and your friends.
Intimate Partner Violence
IPV occurs when one partner is controlling the behaviors of another partner in the relationship. This controlling behavior can be physical, emotional, and verbal. The abusive behavior can include threats, isolation (preventing the partner from seeing friends or family members), intimidation and harassment. In some situations, the same patterns are referred to as domestic violence.
“That can’t happen to me,” you say? Think again. Here are a few disturbing statistics:
- 1 in 3 teens in a dating relationship has been verbally, emotionally, sexually or physically abused and/or says they “fear for their safety.”
- 1 in 2 teens feels he or she has “compromised their values” in order to please their partner.
- 1 in 5 teens in a dating relationship have been hit, slapped or pushed.
- Teens who report dating violence are also more likely to report binge drinking, physical fighting, suicide attempts and current sexual activity.
Teen relationships where IPV is a factor can lead to domestic violence, which also affects many Idaho families. In 2007, there were 6,360 incidents of domestic violence reported to the Idaho State Police, and Idaho had 22 deaths related to domestic violence.
To learn more about Intimate Partner Violence and how you can avoid it, take a look at these Websites:
Rape and Sexual Assault
In Idaho, rape is defined by law as the penetration of the male penis in the vaginal, oral or anal opening without the other person’s permission. Sexual assault is the unwanted touching of sexual body parts. Both sexual assault and rape can happen to anyone, no matter what their race, gender, age, income and sexual orientation. AND BOTH ARE AGAINST THE LAW.
Statutory rape is defined in Idaho as the penetration of the male penis in the vaginal, oral or anal opening of a female under the age of 18, by a man who is 18 years or older. Statutory rape is ILLEGAL, even if the female consents to the sexual activity.
The majority (almost 74 percent) of teen pregnancies in Idaho were fathered by men 18 years of age or older.
Anyone who has been raped can contact the Rape Crisis Hotline of the Women’s and Children’s Alliance Crisis Center, at (208) 345-7273 and talk to a counselor.
To learn more about what to do in case you or someone you know has been raped or assaulted, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). The Girls and Boys Town organization also has a 24-hour crisis, referral and resource line, at 1-800-448-3000.