Being a Teen is Hard Work
Your Body: Puberty and Physical Changes
Puberty is the time in your life when your body begins to mature physically. Sexually, this means boys develop the ability to produce sperm and girls are able to become pregnant. Puberty can start as early as age 9, or as late as age 16. You don't have any control over when it starts or how it affects you.
One of the reasons puberty can be stressful is because it's something you have NO control over - and yet, it's happening to YOUR body. Sometimes, puberty may seem like you're "morphing" into someone you don't even recognize - but it's honestly a normal part of growing up.
Puberty is such an important time in everyone's life that most adults remember it like it was yesterday, even though it may have happened to them years ago. If you'll take the time to ask your parents or the adults you trust, they should be able to relate, maybe tell you how they felt and offer some good advice, too. They truly HAVE "been there, done that."
Some parents are hesitant to talk about it because, as much as they WANT to help you, they either are embarrassed or don't know how to bring it up. So why not try asking THEM a question instead of waiting for them to ask you?
Take a look at the chart below that lists the many physical changes that take place during puberty. Even when you're sleeping, your body is busy, turning you into an adult.
| Both Boys & Girls | Boys Only | Girls Only |
|---|---|---|
| Grow taller | Develop more muscle | Develop breasts |
| Breasts may be tender and sore | Able to produce semen (fluid that contains sperm) | Skin around nipples gets darker in color |
| Develop oily skin and scalp | Shoulders broaden | Hips broaden |
| Develop sweat glands | Penis and testicles grow | Ovaries release an egg into fallopian tube about once a month |
| Pubic hair grows in genital area | More body hair grows | Menstruation begins (shedding of blood-filled lining in the uterus) |
| Underarm hair grows | Facial hair grows | |
| Feet grow | Voice changes |
Your Brain: It’s Changing, Too!
Even your brain is a “work in progress” during puberty, and an important 2005 study confirms it. Research shows that many areas of the teenage brain are still developing, and this is one reason some teens have difficulty with behavior and learning. Brain development, just like the physical changes, also varies from person to person.
While your brain is in the middle of this big growth spurt, you may become frustrated with yourself. Some days, it will seem like you can’t make a decision, can’t figure things out. You don’t know whether to laugh or cry; whether to jump up and do something on impulse, or sit still and keep thinking about it. You may be full of plans and dreams, but have no idea how to carry them out, or even how to get started. Strange as it seems this is NORMAL, and it won’t last forever.
The best thing you can do when you’re feeling like this is…nothing! Try to keep some structure in your life – no big decisions, no big emotions. Just keep up with your schoolwork, job and family responsibilities and try not to stress out. During this time, it is VERY important for you to have trusted adults in your life that you can check in with. Just someone to bounce your ideas off and blow off some steam will help a lot.
(The study: Weinberger, D.R., Elvevag, B., Giedd, J.N. The adolescent brain: a work in progress. National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 2005.)
It Feels Like a Rollercoaster: Emotional and Social Changes
Your body is forming, your brain is developing and – as if that’s not enough – your whole personality is forming, too. You may find it hard to juggle all the priorities: friends, school, and everything else going on in your busy life.
One of the most common feelings in teenagers is the need to “fit in,” and it can be pretty intense. You want to be noticed, and to get the positive attention you need, from friends instead of getting it all from your family. You would almost always rather hang out with your friends than with your parents, siblings, grandparents, and so on. You want MORE PRIVACY, and you want everyone else in your family to GET THAT, and respect it.
All this is normal. It’s part of learning to become independent, to make your own choices and figure out your own opinions. You’re creating your style: figuring out what YOU want to look like, where YOU belong, and what makes YOU feel good. It can also be a time of maximum communication – you’re always talking on the phone, text’ing and emailing so much that it mystifies (and frustrates) your parents!
Have you ever thought about what YOUR big transformation looks like from THEIR point of view? For years, your parents have helped you and supported you. Now, you’re never around and, even when you are around, it seems to them like you’d rather be anywhere else. You can’t really blame them for feeling left out of your life. They’re used to making most of the decisions for you – and now you want to do it all yourself. You’re in new territory, and it’s bound to create some conflicts.
Adults also see your highs and lows, and it reminds them of their own teenage years – because, hey, NOBODY can forget them! If you’re acting rebellious or really sad, or if you’re having trouble at school or with a boyfriend or girlfriend, they worry about you and try to think of ways to help. Will any of their ideas work for you? Well...you never know until you listen.
