Are you ready for sex?

Deciding whether or not to have sex can be a tough decision to make. Before you have sex, here are some questions worth considering:

• How am I going to feel about myself afterward?
• How am I going to feel about my partner afterward?
• Why do I think I want to have sex?
• Do I feel I am being pressured into having sex?
• Is having sex ‘okay’ with my values? With my family’s values?
• Is this something I really want to do at this point in my life?
• Am I ready for all the emotions that a sexual relationship can bring up?
• What if I (or for guys, ‘my girlfriend’) gets pregnant? Am I ready to deal with that possibility?
• Am I responsible and knowledgeable about birth control and preventing STIs?
• Have I talked with my partner about birth control and STIs?
• Have I talked with my partner about sex we may have had with other people?
• Have we both been tested for STIs, including HIV – and shared that information honestly with each other? Did we talk about the "window period" for STIs and HIV testing?

If you decide to become sexually active, it’s important to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy. Find out more.

What If You’re Just Not Ready?

If you don’t feel you’re physically or emotionally ready for sex, you’re not alone: More than one-half of U.S. high school students have not had sex.

That doesn’t mean you’re not tempted. Peer pressure as a teen can be amazingly strong, and so is the human sex drive. So, how do YOU stay even STRONGER in your desire to wait until it’s the right time – for you? Here are some smart, safe strategies for doing that:

• If you date, make sure your boyfriend or girlfriend understands that you’re not ready to go all the way.
• Hang out with groups of people, and avoiding being alone with only your date.
• Hang out with friends who make it clear that they believe it’s okay to wait to have sex – they won’t hassle you, pressure you or tease you about waiting, too.
• Be aware of the common lines (see below) that someone may use to try to pressure you into having sex – and don’t fall for ‘em!
• Stick up for your friends if they’re being pressured to have sex.

Some People Will Say Anything...

There’s a long list of common lines that people use to get others to give sex a try – and they sure can sound convincing. Thinking about it and knowing some things to say ahead of time will help you look out for yourself and stick to your own plans. What would you say if someone tried one of these lines on you?

• “Everybody’s doing it…”
• “You’re the only one who’s NOT doing it!”
• “Show me how much you love me…”
• “But…I love you…”
• “Please, let me share this with you…”
• “I’ll stop whenever you say…”
• “If you loved me, you’d prove it.”
• “If we can’t have sex, that’s it – it’s over between us.”
• “If you don’t want to do this, I’ll find someone who will.”
• “Nothing will happen…I promise.”
• “Why are you making such a big deal of this? Sex is natural…”
• “It’s okay – I’ve got a condom.”
• “What are you waiting for? Don’t you love me?”
• “You’re still a virgin? What are you, a prude?”
• “I’ll love you forever.”
• “This will seal our relationship.”
• “There’s no way anyone will find out about this…it’s just between you and me.”
• “I’ve been tested and I’m clean.”
• “I’ve done it with my other partners.”
• “What’s wrong with you?”
• “Are you just not attracted to me?”
• “You can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex…” (NOTE: Whoa, that is totally FALSE – you can get pregnant ANY time you have sex.)

Saying ‘NO’ to sex

Sex is something you should discuss with your partner before things get too hot and heavy. Trying to backtrack when you’re already in a lip-lock doesn’t work nearly as well as talking about your feelings when you’re both calm and cool.

Decisions under pressure are much tougher decisions to make and follow through on. But if you do feel you’re being pressured, here are some tips:

• Be confident. There’s a definite difference between “NO! NO WAY!” and “Well…ummm…not now…”
• Bring up the respect factor: “If you respect me and how I feel about this, you’ll stop now.” (And why would you want to be with someone who DOESN’T respect your feelings?)
• Make sure your body language is also saying NO. Stand up straight. Make eye contact. Take their hands off of you if necessary.
• You don’t have to explain…but if you want to, you can give a reason. Your reason doesn’t have to be complicated. You might say:
• I’ve made up my mind to wait.
• I’m just not ready for sex.
• This isn’t about you, it’s about me. It’s a huge responsibility that I know I’m not ready for.

Part of creating a safe, smart strategy is to think ahead and plan for problems. Decide in advance what you will do or say if someone is pressuring you to have sex.

• If you’re kissing and feel like things are starting to go too far, stop! Do something else. Get up and go be around other people.
• Take care of yourself! Are you prepared, with birth control and condoms? If not, why take the risk?
• Always carry your cell phone and enough money for a cab in case you need to leave and get a ride home.
• Be ready to call a parent, guardian or good friend to pick you up if you need to leave a date or a party.
• Keep your brain in gear! Don’t drink or use drugs, because they interfere with your ability to make clear decisions.

This is about making a safe, healthy decision THAT’S RIGHT FOR YOU. Make sure you can THINK, ACT, and COMMUNICATE clearly. If you can’t do all three of those things, others can take advantage of you.

Don’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings. If the person you’re with really cares about you, they will respect your wishes. And never, EVER feel obligated to “pay someone back” with sex in return for an expensive date or gift. YOU can’t be “bought!”

Good Web sites for more information:

• The Naked Truth - An eye-opening page written especially for teens, where you can get the latest info about STDs/STIs and read stories of real-life people who have first-hand experience with them.
• Body and Mind - A cool site for younger teens about how to deal with “Peer Power,” making good decisions – and good reasons for getting OUT of weird situations.
• I Wanna Know - On this site, you’ll find everything from extremely honest info about sex (click on “Sex on the Brain”), to questions to ask about tattoos and body piercing.